Let’s Talk About Respect: Speaking the Truth with Compassion and Integrity

“Should I call a man a woman?”

That was the question I posed in a recent conversation with another Christian. It wasn’t asked with sarcasm or aggression—it was an honest question about how to navigate truth and love in a culture of confusion.

The response I got was one I’ve heard often:

“I think it comes down to respect. You should call someone what they ask to be called.”

I understand the impulse behind that answer. We live in a time where kindness is equated with compliance and disagreement is labeled as disrespect. But let me push back gently: I do respect them. And that’s precisely why I won’t lie to them.

Let’s play this out with another example. There are people—many of them—who sincerely believe they are younger than their biological age. Some may feel like they’re still in their teens, even though they’re in their 50s or 60s. Should we accommodate that belief out of respect? Should we allow them to enroll in high school or compete in youth sports because that’s how they identify?

No?

Why not?

Because age is objective. It’s measurable, observable, and grounded in biology and time. No matter how passionately someone feels otherwise, their actual age doesn’t change.

When I brought this up, the response was:

“Well, no. Age doesn’t change. But when someone says they are a certain gender, that’s what they are.”

Hold on. Now we’ve reached a contradiction. We both agree that age is objective and unchangeable. But you’re also claiming that gender is objective and changeable? You can’t have it both ways.

Let’s clarify something fundamental: If someone’s “truth” isn’t grounded in something outside of themselves—if it changes based on how they feel—it’s not truth at all. It’s a belief, or more accurately, an opinion. And opinions, even sincerely held ones, can be wrong.

This is where our culture has confused respect with agreement—and kindness with compromise.

Let me be clear:

• Respect does not require affirmation.

• Love does not require participation in a lie.

• And compassion doesn’t mean abandoning clarity.

  
  

True respect is not pretending. It’s not rewriting reality to make someone feel better. It’s not calling someone by a false identity to avoid discomfort or criticism.

True respect honors the dignity of a person enough to speak truth—with humility, yes, and with compassion, always—but without deception.

So when I say I respect someone by refusing to lie to them, and you say you respect them by affirming something you know isn’t true, even with good intentions—ask yourself this: Which one is actually rooted in love? Which one is grounded in truth?

Because the Bible says, “Love rejoices with the truth” (1 Corinthians 13:6). And if love rejoices in the truth, then lying—even softly, even to protect someone’s feelings—is neither loving nor respectful.

You don’t have to be harsh to be honest. But let’s stop confusing kindness with compromise.

Real respect speaks the truth in love—even when it’s hard. Especially when it’s hard.